Soapbox Corner - with PembrokeshireSport.co.uk

So, it has not been the best of months for France , in terms of public perceptions of a capacity for “play fair”. . .

First off – we have the visiting South African Rugby Union team claiming that their loss to the French team on Friday the 13th was, in part, caused by the appalling rendition of the S.African national anthem prior to the match, as staged by their French hosts.

Whether the butchering of “Nkosi Sikelel' iAfrika” was the fault of the singer, Ras Dumisani, or the French hosts, is a mute point; but I imagine that Mr Dumisani would be unlikely to depart with any bardic awards, at the Llangollen International Eisteddfod, should he choose to attend next July.

This is, of course, the most serious of international incidents, and once I had wiped away my tears of laughter, I was forced to add this new technique for breaking the concentration of the opposition, to my lengthening list of under-hand ways to bring about the desired result for your team.

Perhaps we can adapt some of these techniques to our Pembrokeshire fixtures, (for rugby, football and cricket etc.) such as miss-spelling the away-team’s name & player-names in the match-day programme, or, better still, fix all the coat-hooks up-side-down in the away-team changing-room! With a few of our local teams, a most entertaining part of the match-day, would be to see which set of visitors takes the longest to work-out what the problem was. As I write, I can visualise some of our better-known local team-managers sneaking into their visitor changing-rooms, early on a Saturday morning, equipped with an electric screwdriver, a Number-2 Pozidrive bit and an evil grin.

I have always been ambivalent about Liverpool F.C.’s practice of having the sign “THIS IS ANFIELD” emblazoned above the exit from the away-team’s changing-room : is it meant to intimidate the away-team? - or is it because Liverpool F.C believe that visiting players all suffer with memory problems – the same type of problems that Steven Gerrard appeared to have while giving evidence in court? Returning to the Toulouse rendition of the S.African national anthem; I can not decide which was the funniest - - the sound of Ras Dumisani’s blood-curdling, milk-souring attempt to find the correct key (or just ANY key whatsoever), or the looks of tooth-grinding discomfiture etched upon the faces of the South African players. A true “champagne-moment” for those of us not of a French or South African persuasion. see clip below.

After my lengthy rant about “Cheating in Sport” in last month’s Soapbox Corner, you could hardly expect me NOT to have a few words to say about Thierry Henry’s handball during the build-up to the decisive goal in the France v Rep of Ireland football World Cup qualifier in Paris last week; but just about everything has already been said on this subject. . It is almost certain that FIFA and UEFA will never sanction a replay – I have heard this referred to as “pragmatism taking priority over natural-justice” ; this being the case, how can our local coaches be expected to educate our young sports men & women that there is no gain to be had by blatant cheating? How can the football authorities insist on “Respect” and “Fair Play” ON the field, when they themselves have no respect for “natural justice” OFF the field.

Someone has estimated that France’s qualification to the South African 2010 World Cup will be worth at least £800M to the French economy (in terms of TV rights, advertising, ticket-sales, travel arrangements, sponsorship, replica kit sales and other merchandising etc); consequently FIFA & UEFA’s intransigence on this issue, smacks of apathy at best, and sleazy at worst.

Thierry Henry has since stated that he thinks that a replay would be the best and fairest solution for both teams : this is a very clever thing to say, in order to attempt to rehabilitate his reputation – especially when he is fairly safe in the assumption that a replay will never be sanctioned. It is just a shame that this UNICEF ambassador did not show such devotion to fair-play at the time when he was celebrating William Gallas’s netting of the ball. To repeat what I wrote last month, “If only the participants of every sport had the same attitude as professional snooker players, who have a deeply inculcated culture for calling their own fouls.

The outcome which we will all now have to endure, is that every match involving teams from the French group in the World Cup, will be littered with repeated media references to the injustice of their attendance, “what could have been” and “what should have been” - - a running-sore which will taint football for many years.

I wonder if France has an equivalent phrase for “Chwarae Teg”.

At least France’s attendance at the South African World Cup will give the hosts several opportunities to offer “alternative” renditions of the French national anthem; the one I’m hoping for is a version of La Marseillaise being performed by a massed orchestra of kazoos . . . and why not?

If you have any novel ideas for national anthem arrangements, we would love to know, and will gladly forward them to the SA –WC-2010 organising committee.